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Zombie Invasion For Real

September 11, 2011

The problem with zombies is that in order to kill them, you have to shoot their brains or otherwise disconnect their brain from their bodies. I fully realize that some lazy film makers have included hacking and shooting them just about anywhere on their bodies to kill them, but that’s not the classic story at all. You have to sever their heads or otherwise destroy their brains or they’ll just keep coming after you even if they have to crawl by a finger. So when I say kill a zombie, I’m referring to destroying their brains or severing it from their body.

There is a culture out there who love zombies. They have devoted much literature and film to the horror cult. It’s fun and a very fertile field for comedy with that ‘gross you out’ feel to it. Good stuff. However there are actual zombies out there and they are among us.

These zombies are not the kind you see in films or literature at all, the zombies I speak of are ‘zombie ideas’. That absolutely living dead idea that simply won’t die.

This kind of zombie idea is particularly hard to kill for the simple reason that it has no brain. It may seem like it does because these zombie ideas mimic reason, but if you follow the reason far enough you find that it was simply a phenomenon of words. It always ends in thoughtlessness.

Zombie ideas still eat brains though. Let them into your home and sooner or later they will suck the grey matter right out of your skull. BEWARE.

They are growing in numbers too. You may not be aware of their existence because unlike the zombie’s of horror cult fiction they don’t look any different than you or I, and I’m not too sure about you.

So you’re saying, “Eckthelion, how can I tell if I have zombies around me if they look just like the rest of us?” Don’t worry, I’ll explain.

You see, because they look just like you or I you must test them, but be wary because they can pass this test if you don’t do it right. Furthermore, you are most vulnerable when conducting this test. Please test with caution.

Remember one important thing; you may not be able to kill zombie ideas, they are very resilient and the use of reason has no effect on them, but in fact can put you in extreme danger if you attempt to use reason. The best you can hope for is to make them go away.

I’m taking a huge risk myself in telling you this because zombie ideas have taken over Xanga. Sure, it’s only online, but the most terrible thing about zombie ideas is that they can eat your brains even through the internet. YES, you heard me right, in fact the internet is their preferred method of feeding.

PLEASE USE EXTREME CAUTION:

Okay, here is the preferred method of testing for zombie ideas.

1. Write a post about evolution, skepticism, or just about anything scientific.

2. Check your comments often, but be careful in responding to the comments, that’s when they grab your head and begin to gnaw through your skull to get those delicious brains of yours.

3. Identify zombie idea carriers.

4. (this is the most important step)  Don’t respond.

Now you’re equipped to handle the most heinous zombie ideas.

Remember, don’t engage them too long or it’ll be too late.

Good luck, and God speed.

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